So, it appears (I am too poor to afford the official blood test but two doctors have diagnosed me) that I have mono. Ewwwwww!!!
Which would explain why I don't really do anything other than go to Barnes and Noble and sleep anymore. Sorry dear readers.... assuming I have some. =)
Here is a: THANKSGIVING MONO- TAGE! (woo puns!)
Sunday before TDay:
KP: My throat is kinda sore.
June: Here is some tea with honey.
KP: Thanks. Love your new house.
June: Ari and his friends are finishing the basement.
June's son Ari (from basement): June! We just nailgunned a water pipe!
Monday before Tday:
KP (hoarsly): Could the next customer please step down?
People on long line: (grumble grumble grumble)
KP (slightly louder and hoarser): I'm open to help someone down here!
People on long line: (grumble whyisthelinesolong grumble)
KP: (jumps up and down and waves)
Annoying woman: How was I supposed to see you were open all the way down here?
KP: Sorry. I'd be louder but I have a horrible unknown sore throat virus. (grin) Want a bag?
KP: Wow, my throat really really hurts. Like.... ow. Damn!
Eric: I'm at the busstop.
KP: Just thought you should have all the relevant information....
Tuesday before Tday, 5pm:
(phone rings and wakes me up)
Aunt Gail: Shouldn't you be on your way to U2 by now?
KP: I guess...... I'm sick.
Aunt Gail: Whoa.... I'm calling your parents. This is serious!
KP: Okay, I have toilet paper from the bathroom for tissues, a large ice water, and 2 overpriced ice pops.... ready to rock and roll!
Aerob: Rear section 416 is awesome. We can watch Bono's butt all night!
Customer: Do you have books on Greek cooking?
KP: Probably. You can check at customer services. They look up books there.
Customer: What about this book. Ever hear of it?
Customer: Did you like it?
KP: (in pain) Yes.
KP (through teeth clenched in pain): It's nice.
Customer: Are you okay?
KP: (desperate nod and maniacal clenched grin)
KP: I can't finish my shift. I'm sorry. I can't swallow anymore.
Manager: Well..... well well..... I guess... if it's *so* bad, it's *so* bad then....
Mom: Can you make it home by yourself?
KP: Well, I guess I have to.... Unless...
Mom: That wasn't a ride offer.
KP: Okay then.
Doc: You have a temperature.
KP: A normal one, or a fever? Hahaha.... Little doctor joke.
Doc: Moving right along... your blood pressure is fine.
Doc: Okay.... going to take your pulse.... (takes pulse, walks away)
KP: So, I have a pulse too right?
Doc: Um... yes. Yes you do.
KP: Then we can rule out death as the problem. That's good.
Dad: You went to the Immedicenter instead of your own doctor?
KP: She never returned my message!
Dad: I could have told you you have mono!
KP: Right, but you refused to treat me.
Dad: Kerry! Come quick! March of the Wooden Soldiers is on!
Aunt Marnie: Now Keith, remember, you can not touch Cousin Kerry.
Aunt Gail: Well, you can't give *me* mono Kerry. Been there. Had that.
Aunt Marnie: There's really nothing you can give us actually.
Aunt Gail: Yeah, we pretty much have everything covered.
KP: Got it.
Kevin: Sure you can't drink wine Kerry?
Dad: You know the rules Keith! No kicking the inflatable globe at Grandma.
Dad: DON'T REACH OVER MY PLATE! You're getting EpsteinBarr virus everywhere.
Keith: How come Kerry gets ice pops for dinner AND dessert?
Aunt Gail: So, where'd ya get the mono from, eh?
KP: Ooh ooh ooh! I can breathe through my left nostril again!
Eric: Really?! Really!
KP: Whoops... wait. Nope. Not anymore.
Eric: I made turkey soup. Tell me what you think. Ooh, and be careful cause-
Eric: -cause I didn't get all the bones out.
Middle-aged woman (from early posts fame!): Hey Kerry!
KP: Hey Mary Ellen.
MAW: (shouting from her porch) I heard you have mono!
KP: Um, yes.
MAW: The KISSING disease! That's what we called it! Of course, in my day, it was scandalous to admit you even have it! My mother wanted to know if I got it from a guy or a girl and of course, who would admit if it was a girl anyhoo? It was a guy, by the way. Do you know where you got it from? Sorry you have mono!
MAW2 (from across the street): Kerry has mono? Where'd ya get it, Ker?
So, I have mono. I got rejected by a job I thought I had. I don't work enough hours at BandN to pay rent without still using my savings. Yeah, life is good.
Thank God it's almost Christmas....
Jesus may not have been born in the winter, but who needs warm fuzzy feelings in April? This is a dark "darkest part of the year". =/
But.... it'll provide good material for humor!