Digging a Hole

Sunday, November 26, 2006


Oh, werd?
I spent a lovely evening making Becca stay up late with me last night. At 4am, Eric and I finally had mass transit options, and after saying our goodbyes, we headed to the 14th Street PATH station. At 4am, on the 14th Street PATH platform, we were the only people wearing sneakers out of a considerable crowd of young Jerseyans. What's up with that?
Granted, the PATH train was a Hoboken-bound train, not a Newark-bound train (oops), but how lame must Hoboken be if young socialites must cavort the city in matching The Mall at Short Hills uniforms?
Once we found the Newark-bound train, we were comfortably surrounded by fellow sneaker-wearers.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Foster's Float, 2006 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Oh, werd?
I saw the Thanksgiving Day parade today, and this particular part caught my attention. Poor puppeteering aside (are we supposed to think that the red monster is handcuffed to the house or is his string less than subtle?), this tribute to getting high as sung by imaginary friends is a perfect holiday tradition for any family. Also, there is what I can only assume to be a singing blue penis.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Health Care

Oh, werd?
So, something has been really bothering me recently. If you live in the NJ/NJ radio market, perhaps it is bothering you as well. I refer to the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center ads. It features the following veiled threat:
"Patients treated at Sloan-Kettering often have better outcomes than patients treated at other facilities."
This line is creepy for two reasons:
1) It is delivered by a woman with the world's most futuristic British voice. You can imagine she also gets hired by spaceship manufacturers to record, "This ship will self-destruct," or maybe by Level 4 bio-hazard research centers to announce, "Floor 2 is contaminated."
2) "Better outcomes?!" Basically, they don't die. You don't have "better" cancer. You either survive or it gets you.
Maybe this is deliberate. People in the NY/NJ region are used to finely worded death threats. We live amongst the Mafia.
Mafia hitman: "People who don't testify at my cousin's trial often have better outcomes than state witnesses."
See? Same thing.
Anyway, this was bugging me. Maybe it was bugging you, too.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Election Special!

Oh, werd?
This weekend was an exciting blitz of volunteer and paid (?!) get out the vote work. For those who don't know, New Jersey is a battleground state this cycle. Bob Menendez (D) faces a stiff challenge for his Senate seat by our old governor's kid, and Linda Stender (also D) stands a chance of winning a seat in the House for the blue team. I decided to throw my weekend behind Team Stender.
The Stender campaign office is a blast. Dazed campaign workers stumble around muttering about field maps and reaching out the top window for the secret stash of beers on the roof. This is different from a Republican campaign office in two ways:
1) beer (duh)
2) field maps
The Jersey Dems have the ground all to themselves as, for some reason, the Republicans can't gather enough people who are willing to knock on doors for five hours for fifty bucks. Fortunately for the environment, women, and the people of Iraq, Democrats can always use fifty bucks and are frequently unemployed. That is why I was not surprised when a van full of "urban high school students for Menendez" pulled up to where "NJEF canvassers for Stender" were already working. Their driver, an older woman, smiled when she saw my Stender sticker. One of the kids did not.
Student: Are you a Republican?
Van: Boooo....
KPd.: Dude, Republicans don't knock on doors.
Van driver (to kids): That's the *other* campaign! Don't you know anything?! Linda Stender is running for CONGRESS. We are talking about politics the whole drive home....
I ran from house to house having interesting conversations and making sure people remembered to vote.
KPd.: Pound for democracy! :::knocks fists with stranger:::
If you are wondering how this election is going to swing, I will leave you with this story:
KPd.: ::knock knock:::
Old guy: Don't you know we have a 'no knock' law in this town?
KPd.: Luckily for democracy, that does not apply to non-profits and political speech. I'm a volunteer with Stender for Congress!
Old guy: I'm a lifelong Republican.
KPd.: That's okay. We like Republicans. :::hopeful smie:::
Old guy: (pause) Well... to be honest, I probably am voting for Stender. I don't like the direction this country is going. Never thought I would vote for a Democrat...
And now... the ELECTRONIC Guide to Voting Early, Voting Often!
Essex County is going digital! That's right, no more hiding behind curtains that look like 60s kitchen wallpaper. Time for touch screen action! If the lines that form behind little old ladies trying to swipe their debit cards at CVS are any indication, this should proceed smoothly.
Concerned that your vote won't count? Here's what to do!
1) Come into the polls and talk loudly about how much you love Republicans. Hover your finger over the Republican choice but then quickly touch for Democrat. No one will know to edit your vote! =D
2) Pretend you don't understand computers. Demand a paper ballot instead.
3) Vote absentee! =D
4) Use your toes to touch the screen instead of your fingers. No, it won't make a difference, but you will look really cool.
5) Hack your way in with a BlackBerry. Vote a few hundred times!
6) Be the company that makes the machines. That's what the Republicans did! =D
Alright everyone, get out there and vote! Just like my automated message from Bill Clinton said to! And remember, Barack Obama is NOT on the ballot. You'll have to choose from who's available. Sorry.