You Know What's a Bad Idea?

Long Island iced teas.
Especially in the plural.

Hello Hello.... (Hola!)

I'm going to a tour called "Vertigo"!
Oh werd?
So, the pre-sale has ended, and I am now the proud owner of two sets of U2 tickets.
"But wait!" exclaims the chorus, "How can we come too?"
The regular sale begins Monday morning. The floor (good luck) and the cheap seats are 45-51 bucks a pop. If anyone is seriously interested but can't be sitting by a computer Monday morning to make a purchase, I would be more than happy to give it a go for ya.
The dates:
I am going Wednesday, May 18th in the NJ and Saturday, May 21st in the NYC.
The details: www.u2.com
The extreme level: On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being kind of extreme, and 10 being eXtremely Xtreme, it's a 9.5 for sure.
Oh, and by the way, I was kinda disappointed with the lack of blog comments after no fewer than 4 people asked me to start posting again. C'mon, you know we all blog for the attention. =D

How Do You Spell Montage?

So, obviously, I haven't blogged in a while...
And I really need to "break the seal" if you will, or I may never start again. So, this may not be up to par, but it will be....
A MONTAGE OF THE PAST MONTH AND A HALF!!!
(typed)

DECEMBER:

:::knock knock:::
KPD: Werd, I'm with the New Jersey Environmental Federation.
Random Person (RP): It's cold out... didn't you notice?

:::answering machine beep:::
Everyone ever: "Kerry? Are you okay? Call us back."

Dad: December reminds me of my dead sister.

Regional Director dude: I remember being 22. So confused. Unsure what to do. Lots of pressure from friends. Your parents telling you to get a "real job." It's a tough time in your life. So, you really need to not quit, so you can become a field manager, and then open an office because we save more lives than doctors. So, how about that 3 month committment?
KPD: Sorry?

:::knock knock:::
RP: Who is it?
KPD: NJEF!
RP: It's too cold to open the door.

Dad: So, I saw the car, and I went to take her cds out, and for some reason the blood is still wet and it got all over my fucking hands.

:::answering machine beep:::
"Hey, Kerry? Why don't you check your email anymore? We moved last week. FYI..."

RP: Here's a dollar. Go home.

CHRISTMAS:

Dad: Look!
:::holds up streamers:::
Monster snot!

:::kazoo:::
:::tambourine::::
:::harmonica:::
:::Donegal howling:::
Aunt Marnie: We are so the next Partridge Family.

:::Dad shoots a napkin ring across the table with my grandmother's old silver spoon:::
Grandma: What is Michael doing?
Dad: She just hates me because I'm Irish and she's ye old american.
Aunt Gail: Fuck it. Pass the Bailey's.

KGD: Dude, you wear that vest every day.
KPD: My vest increases my bulletproofness.

JANUARY:

Canvass director: Kerry, you have to train new staff.
KPD: kay.
CD: And start FMIT.
KPD: kay.
CD: And get back on driver policy.
KPD: Fuck.
CD: Oh, and your standard is going up 30 bucks. ...You look tired.

:::beep:::
"Kerry? Werd, we were just bluffing. We didn't actually already move."

KPD: Welcome to your observation day. So, what other stuff are you interested in?
Observer: I write poetry.
KPD: Oh cool.
OBS: And my nickname is the Erotic Lover.
KPD: Ah ha....

KPD: Dad? Is it cool if i use the stove to make Ramen while you are bottling mead?
Dad: Mmhmm.....
KPD: ::::moves pot to one side:::
Dad: Damnit!!! That was my pot of dissolved corn sugar!!
KPD: How the fuck was I supposed to know that?
Dad: Fuck.
KPD: Fuck YOU!
Dad: MOVE OUT!
(10 minutes elapse)
Dad: Our inability to de-escalate is proof that we are related.

KPD: Dude, the mirrors on the 'burb are taped on with fucking duck tape. How do you adjust them?
Canvass kid: Mirrors?

:::knock knock:::
KPD: Hi, I'm with NJEF. Can I have 60 bucks?
RP: Sure, who do I make the check out to?
KPD: N, J, E- **CRASH!**
(and by "crash", I mean her toddler daughter managed to get STUCK in my pants cuffs and fell)

RP: Dad! The dog is stuck in her scarf!
KPD: So, **choke** **gasp** Do you agree with our goals?

Canvass kid: What's the problem?
KPD: I am trying to figure out whether or not to catch the next bus... or order another beer.
CK: That's easy. You always order another beer.

CK: Next time we all go ice skating, let's not go on a Friday morning. I'll bet we'll be a lot better when we aren't all hung over.

Mom: I made you mac and cheese. Don't have frostbite.

WEEKEND IN NYC WITH 35 HOME AND FRIENDS:

KPD: Thanks for being in existence, all my 35 home ave friends. Sorry I dropped off the planet. I'll try and be less elusive in 05.
HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING NEW YEAR!