Things I Learned This Week

1) Saturday Night Live writers are kinda funny looking.
2) Drunk girls will throw themselves at SNL writers.
Drunk girl: My friends said I should do something funny. (giggle)
3) Mission of Burma's bass (?) player has a seventeen year-old son who "loves" The Onion.
4) You are not supposed to inhale cloves.
5) If you do, you will fall down on the roof.
6) Or maybe that's just me...
7) Devils tickets cost a shit-ton of money sometimes.
8) There is a sweet dive bar near the ice rink in Montclair.
9) You can skate while drunk pretty easily.
10) This woman at the ice rink has a crush on the skating instructor.
11) No, she does not want to donate $25 to the environment.
KPd.: But she so would if I had knocked on her door instead of asking her at an ice rink.
12) Zsa Zsa Gabor is a person.
13) Cell phones don't like the cold.
14) Even if you are stuck on the roof because you are still too light-headed to stand up.
15) Rooves collect ice easily.
16) You can see Orion at night right now.
17) I don't want to talk about everything I learned.
18) Even though some of it is hilarious.
19) Some of it is not.
20) If it snows, Park Slope is going to try to set the Guiness record for largest snowball fight.