It's Too Bad...

...That I don't use this blog for advice, introspection, and decision-making...
Because it's one of those months.
Anyhoo, in the spirit of blog entries past, I would like to present a list of things I canvassed up yesterday... at Barnes and Noble's checkout line!
Story #1: Bartering for food.
A lot of times, when one gets up early to buy Mets tickets and one has work at noon and one gets distracted in between, one forgets to eat breakfast. Checking the schedule I noted that my lunch was not happening until 4pm. Not cool. I needed food *before* then. But where could I get food from the checkout line? A man purchasing books with a box of pizza gave me the perfect idea. If I charmed people out of chocolate ice pops, bowls of soup, and boxes of Tagalongs at their door, why not at the bookstore? The only problem was that food came down the checkout line less often than I knocked on full pantries.
KPd.: I'll trade you your pizza for these books.
Man: Oh, really?
KPd.: Sure, bartering should come back in fashion.
Man (to small son I didn't see): Should we give her our pizza?
Small son (so cute!): No way!
Man: Sorry. =)
I decided to get more aggressive with the next food that came my way.
KPd.: Is that a banana in your purse?
Woman: Um, yes... actually... Say, do you want it?
SCORE! ONE BANANA!
Story #2: I need a cheap dentist.
Man: Can I get 20 gift cards with 20$ each on them.
KPd.: Sure, why not?
Man: (watching me scan cards) Wow, you sure are a pro at this.
KPd.: Oh yeah, I majored in electronic gift cards in college. Say, why do you have 20 20$ gift cards?
Man: I'm a dentist. I give them to patients who refer a patient to me. Or Starbucks cards.
KPd.: Ooh, a dentist! Maybe you know where an uninsured 20something can get a cleaning on the cheap.
Dentist: You're skipping cleanings because you're uninsured? Not a good plan. Here's my card. A cleaning costs 85$. Maybe we could negotiate something for you. Did you have any cavities at your last cleaning?
KPd.: Naw. Never had a cavitiy. But I have had lots of freakish mouth trauma, so I have these little cracks that I like to keep track of.
Dentist: Let me see!
KPd.: (opens mouth)
Dentist: Ooh, wow, right across the front teeth. Give me a call sometime.
Story #3: War, no. Unions, yes!
KPd.: I like your button.
Man with button: Mmhmm...
KPd.: No, I *really* like your button. What union are you with?
Man: I'm the vice president of Local somethingsomething. Here, take my button. But you have to wear it. Here's my card.
KPd.: If I wear it here, I'll probably get fired.
Man: Give me my card back. (writes email address on it) Now, take my card.
Story #4: Coffee and desert.
Woman with small adorable girl: You have Dog Monoply on hold for us.
KPd.: Yup.
Woman: How much is it?
KPd.: 34.99
Woman to girl: Should we still get it?
Little girl: Oh yeah! It's perfect!
Woman: Okay, I guess we'll get it anyway.
KPd.: Oh look, it rang up for a dollar. That's weird.
Woman: Do you need to call someone.
KPd.: No, I did everything right. If that's what it rings as, no problem for me really. Here ya go.
Little girl: You rule!
Woman: Can I buy you a coffee?
KPd.: Whoa! Thanks, but... Um, look, I really didn't do anything. It just rang that way.
Woman: I'm getting you a coffee!
Story #5: Woman spits coffee everywhere and it is funny.
Woman: Is this the right way to the line?
KPd.: Nope.
Woman: I guess.... I guess I go over here then? (nervously sips coffee)
KPd.: Well you ruined everything now.
Woman: HA! (spits coffee everywhere) Hahahaha!

Life is so interesting right now.... Werd.