The Quest for Curtains

Oh, werd?
So, it has occurred to me that there are a few drawbacks to having the front room with all the windows. All the windows. There are windows up the front wall allowing the outside neighbors to see me get dressed. There are door windows which allow anyone in the living room to see me blogging. There is even a skylight that allows the neighbors to take a break from growing pot on the roof to watch me practice the dance moves in the "Decepticon" video. ( www.letigreworld.com)
Yesterday, I decided it was high time I acquired some curtains. First, I tried the lazy, bootleg way. My roommates and I have a large collection of random 'liberated' items, so I hung a McDonald's flag and a Citgo flag over the door with poorly aligned twine and stood back to admire my handywork. Surely, now, I could avoid a trip to Home Depot. Unfortunately, the twine has good comedic timing, so just as I went to put the hammer away it sagged across the middle and dropped the McD's flag. Damn.
Google maps provided me and my fellow intrepid explorer of Brooklyn, Aerob, with a small dot on top of Rt278. This, we knew, was where Home Depot, and curtains, could be found. With a nalgene, a backpack, a "Not for Tourists" guide to NYC, and a prayer, we set off.
After several blocks, we arrived at the dot. Lo and behold, we were standing underneath Rt278. There was a shopping cart, some bottles, and a cat, but no Home Depot. Undaunted, we decided to venture further into the tomblike world below the highway. A huge sign proclaimed that pedestrians were NOT allowed. But we knew that beyond that sign, were curtains, and glory.
Beyond the underpass, we found a parking lot filled with junk. The owner, or guard, of this lot lived in a trailer decorated by sunflowers (which terrify me, by the way). Next to the trailer was a HUGE doghouse for a dog named BEAR. (!!) We needed to walk past this lot to get to the haven of construction-zone-orange we could see around the bend. I heard a scrabbling along the fence, and there was Bear. He was a mangy skinny lab mutt (see: Donegal). No problem. =)
Once inside Home Depot, we were set upon by a legion of tricksters determined to steer us the wrong direction, give us conflicting advice, and send us into the poison lagoon that is the pesticides and cleaning supplies aisle as often as possible: THE HOME DEPOT STAFF!!!! You'd think that if your job was to, say, work in the storage aisle, you would know what was in it.
Me: "Excuse me, do you carry hangers?"
Employee: "Did you look in this aisle?"
Me: "Yes..."
Employee: "Were they there?"
Me: "No..."
Employee: "Well, there ya go. Maybe try breathing deeply in the pesticides aisle for a while."
Finally, we came to the aisle we were looking for, the CURTAIN ROD AISLE! A very unhelpful employee explained that we were never going to find anything, so we really shouldn't bother. Drawing on my canvasser training, a repeated to myself, "Don't let apathy make you apathetic!" and reached into the pile of rods. Success! I drew a gleaming curtain rod from the pile, placed it into my orange Home Depot bucket, dodged falling steel pipes, skidded around a corner, and dashed for the check out.
Several hours later, we had paid for our curtain rods, and stood heroically at the exit doors, surrounded by highway overpasses, underpasses, and a giant inflatable blue gorilla.
We had curtain rods!!!
I still don't have curtains, though.