Ain't That America?

Werd,
Home of the free. (Something to see, etc.... Secret John Melloncamp fans unite!)
Anyhoo, yesterday I went to the oh-so-exciting John Kerry rally in Allentown, PA. It happened to take place at the fairgrounds which are across the street from my aunt's house, so it was very convenient. I braved route 78 (otherwise known as road of death) to get there and make my crucial campaign contribution of holding an official "Veterans for Kerry" sign. (I mean, it didn't say *military* veteran. I'm a veteran of lots of stuff. For the purposes of the sign, let's say I am a veteran of... um.... onion sauteing! Werd. Everyone, particularly those polled who said they are likely to vote in the coming election, loves sauteing onions.)
So yeah, I arrived at my aunt's alleyway (a thru street that barely barely barely fits two cars) only to immediately get in a fight with some woman in a GIANT pickup truck. Welcome to PA! Seriously though, I am a really chill driver. I wait on long toll lines to avoid cutting people off by moving. I stop at yellow lights. This woman was clearly from England as she was driving on the left side of the narrow narrow alley (to avoid some sweet old ladies who were pulled to the right looking at a map in a sweet, old "i don't have a clue that I am causing a demolition derby by sitting here" kinda way). Now, as I was already next to the car with the old women, I could not pull to the side (car on one side, big brick building on the other) so, really, it was up to the truck driver from Europe to stop being a Socialist and move to the right side of the road. But no. She drove her truck up to the grill of my ancient minivan and said, "Uh uh. NO WAY! YOU have to back up!" I poked my head out the window and called, "I live on this street mam! I just need to park in the driveway behind you!" to no avail. Deciding it was better to back out into the other street again than to get in a fight (see how chill I am?), I did just that. AND SHE FLIPPED ME OFF! Can you believe that? So, of course, me being me, I added a loud and enthusiastic "Fuck you!" which I *never* *ever* do. And here's why. Lo and behold the giant brick building was an elementary school and small children were just walking out the front door. I suck.
So, after solidifying the reputation of Jersey drivers (when it was so *clearly* PA that started it), I parked the car, and my aunt and I struck out for the fairgrounds. The really short, conveniently located entry line was for press.... So we were directed around the, rather large, fair block to the general admission line. By the time we reached the end of said line, though, we had walked all the way back to near the press entry. The Democrats are nothing if not efficient.
Gates opened at 3:30 and by 6:00 (!) the crowd was nearly all through security and in their areas. Werd. If I had been a veteran of like, a war or something, I could have gotten a cool red ticket and moved to the front of the line. Or, if I had lied and *said* I was a veteran... Hmm... But alas. I am not a veteran, so no one came down the line offering me a red ticket. And I am not a union member wearing a cool union shirt, so I was not offered a blue ticket. Also, I am not a firefighter, a relative of one of these groups, or someone who looked cool enough to get any other ticket than the lame-o white ticket. We were like, the least useful Americans section of the crowd. Oh, and most of the crowd. Werd.
So, you aren't allowed to bring your own signs to a Kerry rally. (But you don't have to sign a loyalty pledge!) At about 5:30, you are provided with one of three items: the "A Stronger America begins at home!" sign, the "Veterans for Kerry" sign, or an American flag. Some unions gave out hot Kerry pennants (which I snagged after the rally), but we couldn't get one of those before the rally because my aunt and I were not in the hip cool blue ticket section or the stoic heroic red ticket section. So, basically, the people who got the Veterans for Kerry signs were everyone in the crowd who were definitely *not* veterans. (Or, veterans who, for some strange reason, did not want to identify as veterans even if it meant they would get to sit in the same time zone as Kerry.)
The security took years and years. After someone at the security tent gave me an official bottle of water, another officer made me drink it in front of him to prove it wasn't like, vodka, or... liquid terror! I didn't know what was in the bottle either, since they had just handed it to me, so this made me a little nervous.
On to the rally! Werd, so, a bunch of people I don't care about because they are from PA spoke. And then some kids shot t-shirts into the crowd with a slingshot Double A baseball style. And a bizarre mixtape blared for the 2.5 hours it took to get everyone in... Stuff like John (Cougar) Melloncamp, the Beatles, Hootie and the Blowfish, Fatboy Slim.... Weird-arse mix.
Then the motorcade roared into the back of the fairgrounds! And everyone went nuts! And the Bruce Springsteen song "No Surrender" thundered out of the suddenly very loud speakers as Kerry strided up to the stage. It was like a WWF (WWE now?) wrestling entrance. He slowly took off his coat, hung it up, rolled up his sleeves, and smiled now and then at the wild crowd going into a Brucce-tastic frenzy around him. It was very cool. Bet it was even cooler from the red ticket section.
His speech was pretty classic stump. He used the whole "W stands for wrong" theme which feels a little forced to me. Like, the Republicans get to wave flip flops at their rallies. I don't think the Dems are going to take to the whole "Wrong W" thing as well. Also, W also stands for "win" as in, "The Mets don't have many games in the W column." Shit. And if we wave W's like the Republicans wave sandals, we will look like either West Coast rappers... or fans of George W. Double shit.....
So yeah, speech. Blahdidah. *After* the speech, more Bruce Springsteen! (Dance party!) And then, U2! (He has good taste.) Most of the crowd left, but a few hundred stuck around to crowd forward into the red section (take that veterans!) to shake his hand or get an autograph. Unfortuntely, despite getting within 10 feet of him, I was unable to ask any hardhitting questions before he left. (Questions like: Werd, why did you attack Bush for saying the war on terror can't be won? And: What is your favorite U2 album? And: What does a kid have to do to get a damn colored ticket?!)
Oh, and I found the cool Kerry pennant lying in the blue ticket section and snagged it. Go Team Me! And everyone thought my Kerry jersey was cool. And for the record there were like, a few thousand people there. I don't know how many the grounds stands seat, but they were full plus a packed standing area around the stage sooooo.... If they all vote and get, like, 100 of their friends each to vote too..... Kerry will totally win Pennsylvania! Rock.
And then, everyone went home to their respective little pink houses....